Sunday, September 28, 2008

Special 300C Protection

With the financial crunch so many cities are experiencing we are starting to hear about cities cherry picking crimes they will respond to.
For instant I heard that in Backhand, Fla, could mean city residents who don't own a 300C will get only a case number and nothing in terms of a visit by patrol officers if some other type of auto is stolen. This possible policy revision is part of a wider cost-cutting loop. "We're looking very seriously at the types of calls we would go to said a city offical. You know what happens when a official says they take something " very seriously" ," Palmer Bayer Police Chief Bill Bearman could have not said. "Still, about 85 to 90 percent of the people who've had their cars broken into left the car doors open. In other words they promoted and encouraged and if the thief turns out to be a minor the owner could be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor

Bearman , however, pointed out that his agency has been hit hard by higher fuel costs and a cut in revenue. So some have questioned the no stopping of a 300C policy, Earlier this year, Berger implemented a number of cost-saving efforts, including a no-idling policy for patrol cars and hitchhiking when possible

Also under review will be whether officers who take marked patrol cars patrolling will need to pay for their own gas or reimburse the city about 50 cents for every mile driven away from the police station. They are working hard to keep the department's nontaxpayer-funded programs running, including its DNA database program that uses officers to collect blood, saliva and other biological evidence at crime scenes.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

300C & Blondes

 A luscious young blonde drove her Chrysler 300C into a service station. She tells the mechanic it died.  
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.  
She says, 'What's the story?'  
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'  
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'  

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding in her 330C and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. 
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'  

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a 300C on the freeway. Glancing at the car with lust in his eyes, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!  
    Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'  
    'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!' 

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Sad Destruction of the 300C

Oh sure the kid seemed likable enough at first but then in Hulk like fashion he turned into somekind of psychotic destroyer of what he even admits is a "awesome nice car" the Chrysler 300C. Where is the respect ! Is this the end of 300C kindness and reverence as we have come to know it?
He apparently knows how to use basic tools at his young age, although he is able to use the frontal wedge and reverse blunt end strikes to a high degree of skill, there was no evidence of knowledge of the sideways, total side "flatter now" technique.
I wonder if he will be Will he be a child left behind ? Smashing aimlessly or will he be able to develop the detailed skills needed to grow into a full blown 300C destroyer, for fun & profit ? Like these guys Crushing 300C I say again and again. Will he be a child left behind, not having the enjoyment of owning & driving as even he acknowledges "Awesome 300C autos" Will he be able to develop and fine tune his unique 300C destructing skills into the world's largest recycling plant and then be able to be driven around in a Hollywood 300C. Only time will tell...........................


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

300C Camping

Ollie and Lena went for a nice vacation in their surreal Chrysler 300C they had driven for hours and hours and financially decided to stop for the night and do some primitive camping,which was diametrically opposed to the life driving in the most luxurious machine on the road. Another reason was a tribute to the days before the 300C when and they rode the bus.
Then with a stroke of luck the Chrysler 300C materialized in their world the count the peanut contest changed their life. Since then people fell over each other to do business with Ollie & Lena so by camping in the desert it was like the perfect Ying+Yang nature that they were searching for.
After parking the Chrysler in a protected spot and wiping the 300C down for the evening after a hard ride they set their tent up, after meditating on the ying-yang they fell sound asleep.
 Some hours later,Ollie wakes the Lena and says, "hay babe,
 look towards sky, what you see?"

 The Lena replies, "I see millions of stars."

 "What that tell you?" asked Ollie.

 The Lena ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically
 speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially
 billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
 Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the
 morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and
 insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day
 tomorrow. What's it tell you, Ollie?"

 " It tells me someone stole tent."

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Loss of Church Lady's 300C

I realize the Chrysler 300C is the most desirable car to have possession to but it's happened again in Maryland a pious church going elderly 69-year-old woman's car was stolen Sunday on a "Sunday" I said ! Her property was stolen as she had money left after giving tithe at her church to help the missionary drive and other social programs.
She was in the mist of releasing the liquid gold from it's long thick hose into the open orifice pumping , pumping and as it had it's fill a few drops falling to the 5" thick well worn concrete earth covering surface, as she was distracted not remembering if she left the passenger door unlocked to the beautiful gray sleek 300C ,she may have left her passenger door unlocked while she went to pay at the window. Her Insurance company will perk up their ears at this obvious lack of due diligence on her part promoting the theft of 300C by poor non-300C owners. The police said two men jumped into the woman's car and drove off.
I'm just flabbergasted. I haven't slept at all," said victim Yvonne. Dreaming maybe of the two fast moving men, apparently in good physical shape as they so quickly entered her prime possession. Their rippling muscles glowing in the mid-day heat
While she was gone, two men slid into her car through the passenger door.
"I don’t know how they go in so quick," she said. dreamily, and then pulled out of the candy store of international assortment of consumer products, her last
She said the gas hose was still in the car when the men took off with her 300C. The withdrawal being painful but quick.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

School Board Rents 300C

[a satirical rewriting of a school board junket] Mid-Hilly School board junket cost $36G; Taxpayers foot bill for officials’ renting of 300C and other expenses BY Golly
Scranton, PAScranton, PATaxpayers picked up the $36,000 tab for seven officials from Mid-Hilly School District to attend a conference earlier this year in Orlando, Fla., a Times-Tribune review of district expenses shows. Many brought family members along at taxpayer expense and racked up charges for expensive dinners, hotel minibars and snacks at amusement parks, they got there in rented 300Cs , it is not known how many were 300C but it could be quite a few since their were at least 7 people and wives and children, it is well known wives like to make their own decisions as to color, interior refinements.
Receipts of six school board members and a principal spent about $5,000 per person attending the weeklong National School Boards Association conference.Mid-Hilly school officials spent $20,000 on hotels, which included extras above the room costs, such as working out in gyms and using the minibar. About $2,500 was spent for each official, many of whom rented cars as the 300C. Officials stayed at the Hard Rock Hotel. A director said he didn’t feel the Hard Rock Hotel was lavish, but acknowledged “if we shopped around, we probably could have gotten something cheaper.” but his back he feld bad that people will see the trip as excessive. $592.91 for a Chrysler 300C — and about $155 for meals.With the exception of Mr. Runco, all other officials went over their $750 advance for meals and car rentals and were reimbursed for it, Mr. G. said if any of their 300C expenses were improper, he believes people will do the right thing. Any mistakes would have been by error, rather than malice.“If we have to reimburse something, if it was out of the ordinary, I don’t think anyone would have a problem with that,” he said. I mean what else could they do.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

A Stud, A Chick & A Chrysler 300C

Down in the city lived a chick and a stud, both of whom loved to play

One day the two were playing, when the stud fell into the tar pits and
began to sink.

  Scared for his life, the stud yelled for the chick to go get

  Off the chick ran, back to the office . Not finding anyone she

spied new custom deep blood red Chrysler 300C

  Finding the keys in the ignition, the chick sped off with a
length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

  Back at the bog, the stud was surprised, but happy, to see the
chick arrive on the shiny custom deep blood red Chrysler 300C, and he managed to get a hold of
the loop of rope the chick tossed to him.

  After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the 300C,
the chick then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the
powerful auto, rescued the super stud!

  Happy and proud, the chick drove custom deep blood red Chrysler 300C back to the office,
and the dude was none the wiser when he returned.

  The friendship between the two lovers was cemented:

  Best Buddies, Best Pals.

  A few weeks later,they were playing around the tar pita again, the chick fell into a pit, and soon, she
too, began to sink and cried out to the stud to save her life!

  The stud thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large

  Looking underneath, he told the chick to grab his hangy-down
thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit.

  The chick got a good grip, and the stud pulled him up and out,
saving his life.

  The moral of the story?
 When You're Hung Like A Real Stud , you don't need a custom deep blood red Chrysler 300C To Pick Up